Someday, As I'm Sitting In My Studio

One of the stories written by Mom for her first 1990s writing class. This one looks forward, with Mom seeing herself years in the future as a successful writer on sewing.

The photo is of Mom at her sewing machine in 1979.

Someday, as I'm sitting in my studio completing my latest assignment for my editor, I will look back and consider what I have accomplished to this point in my life. There were many years when I wondered if my struggles would be rewarded.

The years of working a very stressful job at the hospital, plus creating an image of the expert in construction and altering clothing (were worthwhile, as was) the time spent in the classroom to drill into me the dos and don't of writing. Old habits die hard.

Now I've started a new career altogether. I'm well known around the country as an expert in my field. I have written a simple manual for beginning sewers, any age, that is used in many classrooms. I hold class in my studio for anyone who wants to attend. I am contracted for wedding ensembles, making the bride's dress and the attendants' dresses.

I have been asked to conduct seminars on tailoring. I am now working on a manual for tailoring made easy. Regularly, I have a column appearing in the newspaper on sewing and alterations. Each week time is set aside for answering my mail.

I now employ two assistants to help with much of the routine. One of them helps me with some of the paperwork, the other assists me with the sewing.

The Public Television Network has asked me to set up a series of programs on sewing and the money to be saved. I've worked on my outline, but I've not settled on anything for sure.

I enjoy my life now. I really feel like people look up to me. That is important in a strange sort of way. I need to contribute, and with the sort of clothing these days, if I can help people look good at a smaller investment, then I have done what I set out to do. Yes, the struggles were worthwhile.

Connie, Nov. 14, 1991

Raising Children: A Hair-Raising Experience

A story from the start of one of Mom's first writing classes, talking about her role as a parent and her worries.

The photo is of Mom and my sister and I in September 1979.

Raising children can be a hair-raising experience for both the child and the parents. Life has changed so rapidly in the past 40 years since I was a child. The same rules will not apply today as they did when I was growing up.

I grew up on a farm in South Dakota, number 13 of 14 children. My parents were already in their early forties. In many ways, my older brothers and sisters raised me. But we were always aware that Mom and Dad were there to discipline when needed. There were battles, but somehow there was also plenty of love. The love was not openly displayed with the kissing and hugging, but we knew it was there. We learned to be our own person to make decisions to fall flat on our face, if necessary.

Now with two children of my own, I realize what a difficult job Mom must have had. I've made it through the very young years with what I hope was a good foundation. The teen years are now upon us. I don't feel we can pull the reins in too tightly, yet they need to be aware the reins are there. We need to give confidence in yourself.

My biggest fear is drugs and Aids. One mistake can scar a young child for life. A strong foundation, roots, if you will, is so important in making decisions and realizing the consequences of those decisions. A parent cannot be too critical unless there is also a suggested solution followed by praise.

In short, there are no absolute rules for a parent to follow. If there were, we would all be alike. Plenty of love, goodness and understanding are important. Treat everyone with respect, this includes your own children. Their opinion is very important as well as yours. Husband and wife must be strong together. The key word should always be family.

Connie, Aug. 27, 1991

A Return To The Classroom

This story from Mom's very first writing class in the fall of 1991. In it, she actually explains why these stories are here and why she took her classes.

The photo is from a family portrait from about 1991.

Kirkwood is a Community College. It is a college for all people. It is accredited, so if you wish, you can get a degree. If you need special help, such as reading help or writing help, there is a place for you. If you need to bring your grade point average up to qualify for something specific, the help is there. Or, if you are just looking for a push with a specialized career, and all you want is a few courses to help you, there is also a place for you.

I am 48 years old, and I have worked the same job for twenty years. I have this feeling inside that I want to write. I feel there are stories in me that I want to get out. I want to expand my horizons before I retire. I am handicapped and have worked very hard to get where I am. This disease process I have will continue to progress so that I may not be able to work this hard for long. Yet I feel there are some things I should still be able to do, even when I'm not able to get around very well.

Kirkwood is accessible. I walk with braces and crutches and have all my life. I've had all the struggles that go along with school. I wanted to take a class where I could park and get to the classroom easily on my own. Registration is also simple. Kirkwood caters to the adult students who want help keeping up their skills. It is inexpensive compared to the University.

I feel we have lived much over the years. I have lived through experiences as a handicapped child in a large farm family. The struggles as a student faced with ordinary obstacles like stairs, long walks to class and carrying books. Now as a mother of two, working in the real world, I want more. I want to be able to distinguish myself in some way. I want to become a real inspiration to someone. I want to help. I want to show that handicapped individuals are bright people worth knowing.

I also have this yearning to teach. For four years, I have taught a sewing class through the Community Education Department of Kirkwood. I started sewing when I was very young. I followed my sister, who was my mentor. Much of what I have learned didn't come from a book. Many of my students have told me to write it all down. My hope is to some day do just that. I want to put it down in plain language so people won't be frightened by the instructions.

I hope my time spent here in the classroom will help me achieve my goals, or tell me to forget them. I have the creative spirit. Now I need to learn the mechanics of writing. Some day people will know me more by what I'm doing, not what I can't do.

Connie, Nov. 4, 1991

In My Dreams

One of Mom's favorite shows was Oprah's show. It was practically the only show she recorded. This is a story she wrote for one of her early 90s writing classes, apparently on an assignment to write a descriptive story about a dream of hers. The story centers around Mom's dream of being a guest on the show to talk about problems faced by people who are handicapped.

The photo is of Mom and I outside the Adler Planetarium in Chicago in 1985. Chicago, of course, was the home to the Oprah show.

In my dreams I find myself an outstanding authority for the handicapped. I conduct seminars for businesses. I gear more toward the educational, rather than the barriers issue. I don't like to see anybody "put off" because of a disability, rather, I want them to see an individual's ability. I want them to be relaxed with the disability. Eventually, it won't even be seen or taken into consideration.

I am a business woman in my own right. I run my own sewing and designing studio. I have conducted seminars in a variety of cities on both subjects and seem to be well received.

Today I have been invited to be on a panel discussion of the Oprah Winfrey Show. The topic today is handicapped business people. We hope to dispel some myths about disabilities.

It begins off stage. The make-up artist skillfully gives me a new face - or so it seems. The hair dresser does things to my hair I never thought were possible. It feels so good to be pampered like this. The wardrobe artist helps pick out a new dress. These outfits feel so expensive. I choose a light green suit with rich looking buttons. The blouse has green and yellow flowers. A gold chain necklace goes around my neck with small gold dangle earrings. It hardly looks like me in the mirror. I almost forgot that my shoes, because of my braces, don't match.

I get to meet some of the other guests. There is John, a businessman from Ohio, who wears a three-piece suit and sits in a wheelchair. He sits there with so much authority that it seems like the natural way to travel.

Kim is a beautiful girl about 22 years old. She is wearing a one-piece red dress, flattering to her gorgeous figure and long, blonde hair. I looked at her and wondered why she is here - then I realized she is blind. Wow! She handles herself so well; then I found out she is a model.

Paul is a small-built man around 30 I guess. He wears a beautiful charcoal sweater and wool slacks. He runs a very expensive restaurant downtown. I was talking with him quite a while before I realized he was deaf.

My handicapped struggles seem so minor compared to some of these accomplishments. I hope some day to reach some of these goals.

Here comes Oprah. Now I really get nervous, with sweaty palms, hot face - the whole bit. She is gorgeous, a little heavier than on TV. She wears a pale blue linen suit with a paisley print blouse. She has low heals but flattering for her stature. She wears a little jewelry. Her hair is casual with soft waves. She introduces herself, and speaks with each one of us, shaking our hand and putting her arm around us individually, making us relaxed. She speaks with us about the purpose of the show - educating Americans about the humanness of a disabled person. She explains how the show will be conducted. I feel relaxed and nervous at the same time. Oprah has so much confidence and self assurance. If I can just not think about all those people, I will be okay.

The curtain is up and we are introduced. One at a time we discuss our lives briefly. I'm the author of "Sewing for the Business Woman," a best-selling craft book. I have also written many articles for magazines on the "Handicapped American" a series of stories written about a young handicapped girl and the problems she faces in the "real" world.

I see all those faces but I concentrate on only one, Oprah's, and pretend it is just us talking. They clap and laugh as I say something funny. I hope it didn't sound stupid.

The others are talking. They seem so successful. The questions begin. Many are directed at me. The show goes fast. Oprah carries it off so well. She thanks us as everyone applauds. She says we helped many people realize that we are people first, then handicapped people.

Connie, about 1994

1994 From Dependence to Independence (Part 4)

The conclusion of Mom's 1994 paper on mainstreaming of disabled students. Mom concludes the paper with a great story from 1969, where she references her goals then and what she did with them. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

The photo is of the fulfillment of one of those dreams, from a trip to St. Louis in 1991.

The advances in prosthetics alone has improved life of the artificial limb user. Many times they can simulate the actual limb. Sometimes they can get so proficient at walking that it is difficult to tell that it is an artificial limb, if you don't know already. There are still many areas of improvement that we don't know about.

Not the least of which is the exposure. They are responsible for bringing disabilities to the forefront. We missed an excellent chance with President Roosevelt, as no one knew of the extent of his disability. Even today, it is difficult for me to realize what he must have gone through from his critics. Maybe it was too early in the game for some discussion with him about his disability. Maybe the country wasn't ready. Disabled people were still viewed as helpless and with no brain. I might add that Mr. Roosevelt was educated before his disease incapacitated him, and would qualify as a newly disabled.

A report on the Working Group with The Department of Veteran Affairs, states:

Our society has always had a tendency to shun those who are different. The disabled create fear, make us uncomfortable and may even embarrass us. In recent years society as a whole has become much more accepting of the disabled individual. Great strides have been made to allow the disabled individual to become an acceptable member of mainstream society. As professionals and individuals we would like to think we have made similar strides as well. (P14)

Due to the Vietnam vets' persistence, I feel that they are responsible for getting much of the needed legislation passed. In 1973, The Rehabilitation Act (Section 504) was passed (Least Restrictive Environment, 8.2). This act helped place the student in the least restrictive environment (LRE). Because of this law, all new public buildings being built had to have accessibility features. Unfortunately, it has taken years to get the "trickle down effect" to show up in many smaller towns and smaller buildings.

In 1990, The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was passed (Family Support Bulletin). This included businesses and concentrated on employment. It covered in detail what questions can be asked on an interview and what an employer will be expected to offer a perspective employee. The employer must make reasonable accommodations for the disabled employee. Again the vets are responsible for bringing all of this to the forefront.

I feel that disabled people for a long time have been shut up. We have been put on the shelf to live out the days, much like many elderly persons are written off as old and of no value. The unfortunate part is that the disabled have been written off sooner, when the person is much younger. There is no source of confidence building here. Many times we have to prove ourselves to be worthy of an interview, to say nothing of the job itself. Most employers are very uncomfortable with this kind of interview.

One thing that I have learned through this research is that it is okay for us to feel sorry for someone worse off than we are. Even I tend to feel sorry for these children who seem to be in another world. All I can imagine is the life or opportunities that these kids must miss, like communicating with family and friends, or thinking and reading about something of interest. How can they tell you what interests them? There are many disabled children who do grow up and learn to communicate with others.

Love and discipline can do wonders for seemingly hopeless situations. The thing to remember is that there is always something that can be tried. We have to keep an open mind. There may be some teachers who have a little trouble with these students in their classroom. Just remember, treat them as children. After all, that is what they are. In some cases, they know much more than what you are trying to teach them. They cannot communicate in the ordinary ways. Their methods will be extraordinary. After the year is finished you may wonder who has done the teaching, and who has done the learning. This child may have taught you a lot that you had not planned on.

Lastly, when you meet a disabled person at your workplace or anywhere, treat them with respect. That is all we ask. We need to get rid of the stereotypes of the "poor little child in the wheelchair." We have identities, we are people, and we are productive citizens.

I was reminded recently of a conversation I had with a friend in approximately 1969. I had done some sewing for her and she was there to pick it up. We got to talking and I told her that I had three goals for my life: one that I wanted to marry, two that I wanted to have children, and three, that I wanted to go to college. To me, these were not unrealistic goals. She, I learned later, cried on the way home thinking I would never reach any of these goals. Well, I not only reached them, but I now have even loftier goals. The sky's the limit, as they say.

Connie, 1994

1994 From Dependence to Independence (Part 3)

Part 3 of Mom's 1994 From Dependence to Independence paper. Here, she talks about mainstreaming disabled students and the benefits of that, using an example of a student in one of her religion classes. Part 1, Part 2

The photo is of Mom about 1993 with her new knitting machine.

There is much to say about mainstreaming and inclusion. No one really knows what a small child can learn from just being in a classroom with normal children, watching what normal children are doing. One student in particular has watched the progress of his religion class throughout this year with seemingly little recognition from the student. I happen to be the volunteer teacher of this class. He can't talk, so we don't know exactly what he is even hearing. In the last couple weeks, however, I have noticed a little bit of excitement. I begin to wonder what is locked in that brain of his. What is he thinking of us? He obviously can hear us, or he wouldn't get so excited when he sees us. This little boy in my religion class, has been a real inspiration to me.

I was talking about this with my sister-in-law Peggy and was reminded of a neighbor of ours years ago. They had this little girl who was birth injured or born retarded. I was never sure of which it was as it was never talked about. I only saw this girl once, although I knew she existed. At that point in time, no one talked about these things. From what I observed, she was unable to get around on her own. Her bed was put on the floor so she would not roll out, I'm sure. When I saw her briefly, she looked to be in her early teens, which made her a little older than myself. She never, of course, went to school. That would have been unheard of for that day and age. She eventually was institutionalized.

I got to thinking about the little boy in my classroom. This little boy has so many advantages because he was born more recently and not at that time. That little girl from years ago could have been in a classroom soaking up life by osmosis, if you will. It is truly amazing how the other children adapt to these children in the classroom. The other children actually fight over whose turn it is to help the student, whether it be helping with the books, or holding the door open. They become more tolerant of each other and are more helpful. They become used to seeing this little person in the wheelchair as no different from themselves. They talk to this individual and help him or her. What a wonderful world this would be if these kids would grow up and keep this feeling of tolerance in their adult life.

When these children are in the classroom, the teacher needs a teacher's aide. The teacher needs to acknowledge that the students are there and give them that special attention, but the teacher's aide has to do most of the work involved with the student, under the watchful eye of the special education teacher and therapist, who makes regular rounds of the rooms with her students.

While I credit the polio epidemic and drugs like thalidomide with helping the country think about educating our disabled young people, I also credit the Vietnam veterans for bringing the government backing and research to the programs of higher education and getting the legislation for us to use. Much of the "hardware" that the disabled use, has been perfected by and for the veterans, like bracing, streamlined wheelchairs, and hand controls used to drive the car. The VA has furnished many wheelchair accessible vans for the vets, complete with lifts and hand controls.

Mr. Phil Ross, readjustment counselor at the Vet Center in Cedar Rapids, agreed with me on the differences I described between the recently disabled and the individual like myself, who has come up through the system as a born disabled. The newly disabled have a before-and-after approach: before, I could walk and take care of myself and felt good about myself, now: after, I am confined to this misshapen body and feel helpless and useless. The disabled from birth have no flashback, no delusions. They have the preconceived attitude, put there by well-meaning adults, that they have a place in this world and it is not in a leadership role. Many times it isn't even in the follower's role. Most times, unfortunately, they weren't in the running at all.

Without the original chance to try our intelligence, so to speak, we lost ground before the battle began. Now, with the vets, we have some strong individuals in the forefront showing what they can do. These young men and women are the newly disabled. These are the ones who have already had their formal education, have come through the ranks of the educational system. I feel very strongly that I have seen both worlds. Having the good fortune of a strong family education ethic, I was able to get that good basic education. Unfortunately, though, great things were never expected of me. My mother felt that if I passed, or "got by," that was good enough.

Mr. Ross added that the Vietnam War left so many disabled young men and women, ironically, because of the capable medical personnel sent to the front lines and the quick evacuation methods; men and women lived when perhaps they shouldn't have and wouldn't have in earlier wars. With government backing and Congressional sympathies in their direction, money was no object when it came to inventiveness in the appliances created for these men. Much of the bracing and the new wheelchairs were invented through the military for the military. Some of these new wheelchairs can fold quickly and easily then stored in the back seat by the person in the chair. Years ago, when they were folded, they were too heavy and difficult to handle. They have also become narrower, and so easy to maneuver anywhere. The severely disabled have really advanced with the electronic chairs and chair lifts for vans. Much of this has also progressed through the military out of necessity, I'm sure, because the vets knew how to drive and knew about cars, so it wouldn't take long to get very inventive.

Part 4 of 1994 From Dependence to Independence

1994 From Dependence to Independence (Part 2)

This second part of Mom's story contains some good details on the year she spent at the local Crippled Children Hospital and School. The story was likely written in 1994, for one of Mom's writing classes. The overall message of the story is including children with disabilities in regular classrooms. Part 1 is here.

Mentioned in this story is a visit the school received from Hall of Fame baseball pitcher and Cleveland Indian Bob Feller. The photo is from a 2010 trip to the Bob Feller Museum in Van Meter, Iowa.

The summer that I was to turn 13 and entered the eighth grade, I had surgery on both feet to correct a deformity that was still there from childhood. This could not be corrected earlier as any surgery done on my limbs too early in growth development would stop growth in that area. About this same time, the curvature in my spine had become more apparent, so my back was casted. This took most of the summer so when school started, I was still in a wheelchair and was unable to attend school because of all the stairs.

The school I finally attended that year was called The Crippled Children Hospital and School (CCHS). I stayed there during the week and came home on weekends. This was the first time away from home without any of my family. There were some kids there from across the state. Some from so far that they could only go home on holidays or long vacations. I met many interesting people there. I really had to sort out some feelings of my own. Never had I been put into a situation with kids so much worse off than myself physically. Part of me didn't want to be with them because then I felt like them, and I didn't want to feel like them. I wanted to feel "normal," whatever that was.

We did a number of interesting things at school, many of which I hadn't done before or since. We went bowling at a nearby bowling alley, we played wheelchair basketball, baseball and tennis. We learned to score all these games. We had a wheelchair square dance group, for which I was a substitute, cause by that time, I was no longer in a wheelchair. We had visits from famous people. One I remember was a visit from Bob Feller, a famous baseball pitcher, who gave encouragement and excitement to everyone there.

We had our regular classes in the morning. Here I feel that the school let me down. I do not feel that I was challenged academically. The pace was slow. Maybe it was just me as I was used to the fast pace of the regular kids. I was glad that I only went one year, so that I didn't fall too far behind my old classmates. Looking back, I did benefit from the exposure to all those new things. Like I said, it was the first time that I was really exposed to these "kinds" of kids that were far worse off physically than myself. Over the years, I have kept in touch with some of them and I still feel fortunate.

I remember many of these kids became very homesick. The rigorous exercise programs each student was involved in took its toll on the desire and the will to learn. Many of them came from households where they were waited on hand and foot by well-meaning families and not encouraged to do things on their own. The result was that the child came back from a vacation at home and all the exercises needed to be re-learned.

Don't get me wrong, these schools were certainly better than nothing; and since public schools were not built for wheelchairs, there had to be a compromise. The worst problem was that it segregated these kids. A whole generation of people grew up not needing or wanting to think of working with or socializing with disabled people. This is basically the generation that is running things today.

The emphasis has now focused on keeping the child at home. According to Lore Baur, who is both a parent of a disabled child and a teacher in the Iowa City School District with disabled children in her class, there are many exercise and education programs started in the home as early intervention, sometimes at a very early age. A particularly good agency here in this area is the Grantwood Area Education Agency. This agency helps both the parents and the child adjust to the situation. With this whole-family approach the child adjusts quite well to mainstreaming into the regular classroom. He or she can then pick up as much as possible from the other kids. Each child has his or her own aid who helps in the classroom with the use of picture boards, with the fine motor skills, or whatever is needed for that particular child. When extra help is needed, he or she gets it from another source; the special teachers who make regular rounds of the classrooms where their students are. There are regular physical therapy sessions, many of which involve the parents. With this whole-family approach most students do quite well. The child is passed from grade to grade with the use of IEP (Individual Evaluation Profile). Here everyone involved with the child's education, therapists, aides, teachers, parents, etc., meet to evaluate the child's growth.

Along with this shift of the pendulum is the new attitude of the educators. When I first started school, it was only expected that I learn to read and write. That was not much for a goal. So when they started the special schools, the educators said to keep the disabled kids separate so they wouldn't slow everyone down. This attitude was said quite strongly in a fairly recent article titled, "Where We Stand," by Mr. Albert Shanker, president of the American Federation of Teachers, in the New York Times. He said "It is too disruptive to have these kids in the classroom." (14A)

A frequent aim of "inclusion" or "mainstreaming" advocates is that the student with disabilities be treated and perceived as a "member" of the general education class rather than as a "visitor" (Least Restrictive 1). Not only can they keep up academically, but many times they are a good influence on the rest of the kids. With many of the physical barriers now being corrected a lot of these kids get along quite well on their own.

Kids that are able to learn but unable to go to public schools due to physical access - stairs, wider doors, places to sit, unsafe furniture, or due to text books that a blind person can't read or extra help needed for a deaf or hard of hearing student - are being barred from many schools. I believe this can be traced back to the early 1900s, when no one bothered to educate these kids. At that time, it was considered a curse to have such a child and they were hidden from the public either in the home or in an institution.

If a family could afford it, a private tutor could be hired and progress was often seen, as in the well known case of Helen Keller. Most often this kind of thing was never attempted. If you couldn't walk, it was assumed that you couldn't see, hear, or talk either, much less have a brain and be able to think. All of these assumptions are untrue, of course, as has been proven time and time again - with the proper education.

Part three of 1994 From Dependence to Independence