Paper Research: Interesting Conversation

This is the ninth of these process logs from Mom's folder. They're sort of logs that document her research for her spring 1994 paper From Dependence to Independence. Instead of a log, though, these are more like mini-papers that are interesting on their own. 

In this one, Mom recounts the interview she had with the mother of one of her religion students. Mom also talks about a speech she was to give at the church.

The photos are of Mom from the 1950s at the family farm from a photo album of Mom's.

Thank you very much for your help with my paper. I have been working on revisions. I'm not sure if I will get all of them fixed. I had a very interesting conversation with the mother of the little boy in my class. I guess I have really changed my mind on mainstreaming all kids. The only exception are the kids that may be disruptive and destructive. This kind of exposure for the other kids can be very damaging.

I had some interesting questions to ask her. This is far too much information to put in this paper, but I found it very interesting. She asked if I had ever read the book Under the Eye of the Clock, by Christopher Nolan. I had not, so she is going to get me her copy. Apparently Christopher Nolan was and is like her son. I guess it is real soul searching.

I asked her what her goals were for her son. The first and most important goal is being able to communicate with people. She says that she knows what he wants usually, but that is because she lives with him all the time. The psychologists were able to do an IQ test on him, by using a very patient and adaptive process. It was shown that he has a good IQ. Now to be able to tap that knowledge. I asked her if she was able to see improvements in her son in the last few years. She said there was quite a bit of difference. He is able to recognize pictures of things.

I was also curious on how the experts decided when he passes to the next grade. Obviously the usual methods won't work. She said that the teachers and parents get together and do an IEP (Individual Evaluation Profile). Here everyone gets to evaluate the child's progress.

Grant Wood Area Education Agency (AEA) Used early childhood intervention with regular visits to her son since he was 2 months old. He has gone to all day preschool very early. It was essential for him to begin a regime early as he can't soak in as much from other sources as normal kids can.

There are many programs used in the schools for the severely disabled. One is called a circle of friends. Here, there is a group of kids volunteered to be a friend. They call on the child and just visit. Much of this comes very natural to kids, especially kids who have been brought up in this atmosphere. Kids are very flexible, if you let them be. The kids are not put off by the chair, or even by the fact that this child cannot talk back. It is kind of like when you put two kids together that don't speak the same language, somehow they manage to communicate.

I asked her if with this child in the classroom it is more work for the teacher. The little kids are constantly begging for turns to take care of him. They fight over who is going to do things for him today, much in the same way we used to fight over who got to help the teacher erase the board. I do know that with myself and my class they always want to help me, too. Last year, I had three kids fighting over who will carry my books, who will open the door, etc. It brought back memories when I was younger that my nieces and nephews wanted to help me with my braces. They loved all those buckles.

The mother also said that the city is advanced far in helping kids like her son. She lived in California for a year and couldn't find an agency to help her. I personally feel that this city is more accessible than most cities its size. There are few stores or businesses where I cannot go. The grocery and variety discount stores like Wal-Mart and Kmart, go out of their way to accommodate with wheelchair shopping carts. I wonder how often they get used. All of the schools are pretty much accessible. The university, however, needs a lot of help. There are many buildings here that cannot be gotten into, or the accessible doors are rather obscure back doors. There is a lot of work that has to be done here.

I asked Julie in the class if in her research there were many mothers doing home schooling if they had a disabled child. I was a little surprised by her answer. I guess it is not recommended for the disabled child as the child becomes much too dependent on the mother. If this is all the child knows, he cannot expand his knowledge. I would think this would be a worry with a very withdrawn child. It is easy to feel comfortable at and at home only. That is one reason why I don't think that I could do home schooling. I would be afraid that I would be making them too dependent on me.

I'm having trouble keeping my mind focused today, but I know that I have to get this log done. I have to give a speech tonight at church and the closer it gets the more nervous I get. Sometimes this Mass is very crowded, anyway, it is very big. I want to do a good job. I always feel that anything I do is not only for me, but for all of us. Maybe there will be someone in the church that will think "If she can do it with her busy schedule, then why can't I?" Guess I will never know if that happens. I would love to be asked to speak at classes or businesses on this topic. Enough of that, it will be over soon and I will either fall on my face or do a good job. I will let you know next week.

I really want to write. I have a sewing class going on now, also. I would love to write a sewing column for the newspaper. I think it could be very helpful. I approached the local paper on this. They said that they didn't have room. I want to get some articles made up when I get time.

Connie, April 9, 1994

Paper Research: Reached a Point

This is the eighth of these process logs from Mom's folder. They're sort of logs that document her research for her spring 1994 paper From Dependence to Independence. Instead of a log, though, these are more like mini-papers that are interesting on their own. 

In this one, Mom talks about trying to set up some more interviews for her paper. More interestingly, though, she talks about some more of her own experiences, surgeries and why she wants to write.

The photo is of Mom and sisters in the 1950s. Mom is sitting in the middle back, a cast on her leg can be seen.

I still have some interviews to do, but for some reason I am kind of at a stale mate. I have had a number of people read my paper, so I have a number of corrections to add. I am still not real happy with my coverage of the special education in the classroom mainstreaming and inclusion. I feel like I need to talk with another parent and also talk with someone at Grantwood AEA. I have had some dealings with them in the past and I feel they can be very helpful. Like I said I seem to be at a dry spell. Maybe this week I will feel more like continuing.

It seems like once I wrote the paper and finally got it together that I'm done. I'm glad you gave us a little bit of breathing room between the next draft. I will be very interested in what you have to say about the paper. I feel it is a masterpiece, of course.

I also have obtained the address of my first and second grade teacher, Sister Mary Pius, and have written to her. I hope to receive an answer before the final draft. What if she doesn't even remember me? That would be funny. A year ago, I wrote a fictionalized story (Connie's World) in a fiction writing class here at Kirkwood. The story was of me in the second grade. I described my efforts and struggles in the second grade. This teacher was a central figure in that story also. It will be exciting to see if she remembers, but I would clearly understand if she does not. I'm hoping she can offer some thoughts on how it was from her standpoint so long ago.

I also had a call into the mother of the little boy in my religion classroom. The dad sounded real enthusiastic, but she has not returned my call. I hope to see her this week, so maybe I can talk to her. I would be real interested to hear her thoughts on mainstreaming and how she feels that it can or will improve the status of her little boy. I would also like to visit with her on how he was before. Has he improved?

It is interesting, but over the years I received so many questions about a variety of things. Everything from, "How do you manage at home?" to real private questions of how can you make love, or even think about getting married and having children?" Some of these questions still amaze me, although of course I answer them as best I can. People automatically presume that when you go to the doctor and he does surgery that will "fix" everything. For instance, when my son had some surgery on his foot two years ago, people assumed that this would make him so he would not need his braces at all. That is not true, it only made things a little easier. I am amazed at most people's confidence in doctors. For them, whatever a doctor says is OK. No wonder there are so many people trying to do everything there is to do to medically to live longer."

Well I have learned a lot in the past few years. That is "living" isn't everything, if you don't or can't do anything with that life. That is why I suddenly have this urge to stop some of the myths that people have with disabilities. It is quality, not quantity, at how we spend our life. I intend to get the most out of life that I can, knowing that this body of mine will not take much abuse. I know that I cannot take being on a respirator or anything heroic like that. That would be part of the extraordinary means that they speak about.

Back to my topic, sorry that I got off onto something different, but it isn't really different. For the most part, I have reached a point in my life when we have to realize that perhaps the only miracle that I will see is that I am still alive, I have a brain and am not afraid to use it. I am able to get around on my own and do many of the things that I want to do. Once I know the things I can and cannot do, life can take on a whole new meaning. Oh, by the way, it has to be my decision to decide what I can and cannot do.

I would love to speak on difficulties for the disabled, except that there are a lot of people that are worse off than I that I feel a little inept in speaking for all disabled. Maybe I am a bit more articulate than some people, though. In other words, I have a big mouth. That is why I started a story about a child who is disabled and of her struggles. There are no miracles here, either, just facts about some wonderful people and some not so wonderful. For those who cannot seem to change their image that disabilities are debilitating, there probably is no answer. But for the individual who has an open mind and believes that everyone has a right to his or her happiness, I would be glad to speak with them and enlighten them further. These people are a delight to visit with as you talk frankly with them. I hope, however, that is not the only reason why people are friends with me. I always said that I never wanted anyone to hire me because of my disability, to fill a quota of sorts, but in spite of it.

It will be real interesting in a few years, when these kids grow up and take over the country. We will see if there are any change of attitudes. These kids who have gone to school with the disabled children and have treated them with friendship. Their attitudes should be a whole lot different than those of their parents, who were separated from anybody like that.

We can only hope that the attitude will improve. From what I have observed so far, I am encouraged by the behavior of the young kids, even with me. My religion students rarely ask questions anymore and are always willing to help.

Connie, April 2, 1994

Paper Research: In the Classroom

This is the seventh of these process logs from Mom's folder. They're sort of logs that document her research for her spring 1994 paper From Dependence to Independence. Instead of a log, though, these are more like mini-papers that are interesting on their own. 

In this one, Mom talks students of varying disabilities in classes. She also talks about her own methods of getting around having to carry heavy books to classes.
 
The photo is of mom at her college graduation in 1972. The man she is shaking hands with is identified on the back as one of her teachers.

Where to begin is a big problem. There is much to say about mainstreaming and inclusion. Some of which I am a little unsure about myself. A lot of this I was unsure about in the beginning of this project. No one really knows what a small child can learn from just being in a classroom with normal children, watching what normal children are doing. (In my religion class,) One student in particular has watched the progress of the class now through out this year with seemingly little recognition. He can't talk so we don't know exactly what he is even hearing. In the last couple of weeks, however, I have noticed a little bit of excitement. I begin to wonder what is locked in that little brain of his? What is he thinking of us? He obviously can hear us, or he wouldn't get so excited when he sees us.

I was talking to my sister-in-law this morning. We were talking about this topic. She reminded me about this neighbor of ours years ago. They had this little girl who was birth injured or born retarded, I was never sure of which it was as it was never talked about. I only seen this girl once although I knew she existed. At this point in time, no one talked about these things. From what I observed she was unable to get around on her own. Her bed was put on the floor so she would not roll out, I'm sure. When I saw her briefly she looked as though she was in her early teens, which put her a little older than myself. She never, of course, went to school. That would have been unheard of for that day and age. She eventually was institutionalized.

I got to thinking about the little boy in my classroom. This little boy has so many advantages because he was born now and not a few years ago. That little girl from years ago could have been in a classroom soaking up life by osmosis, as you will. It is truly amazing how the other children adapt to these children in the classroom. They become more tolerant of each other and many of them become more helpful. They become used to seeing this little person like themselves in a wheelchair. They talk to this individual and help him as allowed. What a wonderful world this will be if these kids grow up and keep this feeling of tolerance in their adult life.

When these children are in the classroom, the teacher will need a teacher aid. The teacher needs to acknowledge that the students are there and give them that special attention, but the teacher aid will have to do most of the work involved with the student, under the watchful eye of the special education teacher and therapist, who will make regular rounds of the rooms with her students. There possibly should have some special classes with this special education teacher, also.

I have to do some more reading that this friend of mine gave me. There are some statistics on the future of these kids. How far can they go? I'm sure each case is different. One thing that I have learned through this research is that it is OK for us to feel sorry for someone worse off than we are. This is perfectly OK. Even I tend to feel sorry for these kids that seem to be in another world. All I can imagine is all the life that they must miss, communicating with their family and friends, thinking and reading about something that interests them. How can they tell you what interests them? There are many disabled children who do grow up and learn to communicate with others.

Love and discipline can do wonders for seemingly hopeless situations. The thing to remember is that there is always something that can be tried. We have to keep an open mind. There may be some teachers who may have a little trouble with these students in their classroom. Just remember, treat them as children. After all, that is what they are. In some cases they know much more than you are trying to teach them. Too bad they cannot communicate in the usual ways. Their methods will be a little different. After the year is finished you may wonder who has done the teaching, and who has done the learning. This child may have taught you a lot that you had not planned on.

Of course if the child is not that disabled, say the child's disability is only physical, these children try very hard and learn quickly. Maybe the only help they need is in carrying their books to the classroom. Sometimes this is solved by a classmate. When I went to school my school was small, so we never moved from room to room like they do now. We only moved in high school. Here, too, most were in the same classes, so someone could carry my books to class cause they were going to the same class as I was. Now, however, my children are in such large classes that they aren't in any classes with the same people. I'm not sure how to solve this problem. When I went to college, I made a big bag so I could carry my classwork in it. The only problem was the books were so heavy. Even only one book can weigh a lot. I asked the individual teachers to see if it was OK if I didn't bring my books. Of course it was OK then if we used books in class I looked off someone else's book. That is how I have solved the problem. There are so many other ways like keeping two books, one at home and one in class. Most teachers are more than willing to help.

Connie, March 19, 1994

Paper Research: By Just Living

This is the fifth of these process logs from Mom's folder. They're sort of logs that document her research for her spring 1994 paper From Dependence to Independence. Instead of a log, though, these are more like mini-papers that are interesting on their own. 

In this one, she talks more about trying to contact veterans groups for her paper, and about other things, including educating people about the disabled by just being there. She also references her Devil's Advocate paper.

The photo is of Mom on Mother's Day 2005 with a clock we gave her.

There is so much information running around in my head. I have called and talked to many people. Some of them I wasn't able to reach, while some people I had not thought of came out of nowhere and proved very interesting. The Devil's Advocate paper has been very difficult to write, without getting my personal opinion in it. Some of the arguments that I have found are arguments that I agree with - or until now I agreed with them. Then I talked with this friend of mine at Hospital School, who has a Down's child now 5 years old. I will talk to her fully later on. She did give me much literature and a new perspective. I don't know why I didn't think of her earlier.

On the other end of the spectrum I also have an appointment with a gentleman with the Vietnam vets group in Cedar Rapids. This may prove a very interesting meeting. I got his name from the director of Community Relations at the Veterans Hospital, Annie Turtle. She seemed also a very interesting person. She also gave me names and numbers of a group in Des Moines, but I've had a hard time getting through to them as I'm not home usually during the day and I can't call from work. I think I'll see what I get from Cedar Rapids. None of these people have disagreed with me on this theory on my timeline. Ms. Tuttle did say, however, that maybe I should be careful and not speak specifically about Vietnam vets, but generalize it to relate to all veterans.

It is clear that I am speaking from two different arenas here. On the one hand we have the born disabled or early childhood disabled, and on the other hand, there are the young accident victim or the war victim. These young people have already proven their intelligence earlier before the accident or war injury. It is just a matter of furthering that education in whatever manner can be done; as opposed to the early childhood disabled who is often looked to as retarded or uneducateable.

Many times these children are not only expected to keep up their school; but they are also expected to keep up a regimen of exercise perhaps and a strong desire to fit into this strange world of the "normal" children. Many children can be so cruel, especially those children never exposed to this kind of child. Maybe their parents have never been exposed either. Consequently, these children are labeled as not expected to perform.

Now back to our vets or young adults. They, too, can have a very grueling exercise schedule in addition to their learning schedule. The difference is that they have already proven what they can accomplish. They probably can already read and comprehend everything that is given to them to do. These people are the ones with voices. They are still unable to get into the buildings, because of the physical obstacle. Some of these young men may be engineers, who could say, "Look, it doesn't have to be this way. We can easily replace these steps with ramps or elevators." Many times with the backing of the government, as most of these young problem are veterans, remember, they can build the new innovation that makes life more bearable. Even the hand control used for us to drive a car was invented by someone in the government. These things are so sophisticated that you can barely have movement to use one. Yet these fellows can operate automobiles very safely. It is inventions like these that have given disabled the independence that is needed.

Unfortunately, there are some disabled children and adults that will never be this good. These are the ones that will take delight from just watching what is happening. They cannot even speak or react to what is going on. It is difficult to be in contact with them as there doesn't seem to be much encouragement. Education for them may just be a visual experience. I know such an individual. I happen to have him in my second grade religion class. I, who should know how to act, did not. I am used to a reaction from my kids or anyone that am speaking with. Here there is none, save for an occasional grunty noise and a reflex movement of an arm or leg. I may need to talk to this mother further to see what benefits she has seen with him in the classroom and how far mainstreamed he is. I may talk to her this week. I hope she doesn't feel that I am prying.

I have so much to sort through. I will have to take time to sit down and work out my plan as to which direction to go with it. Once this assignment of the Devil's Advocate paper is done I will be able to concentrate better on the things coming up.

It was real interesting to hear all the other topics. It would be fun to read their papers. It will also be fun to see their art objects. I love to watch people and what they come up with. I teach a sewing class for adults. Everyone comes up with new ideas there too. There are lots of times when they teach me. That is with the little kids too. They are a fountain of knowledge waiting to happen; and oh, the excitement of watching it happen.

I will love it when I have my basic rough draft done. At least then I will have some of the idea where I'm going. I'm anxious to do a good job as this subject has always interested me and all the changes that have occurred over the last 25 years. I think things have improved, but of course life is not perfect and isn't going to be. So we do the best we can and educate all those people as we go along by just living.

Connie, Feb. 19, 1994

Mom's Trip to See the Pope

Mom's 2008 trip out to see us in New York just seemed meant to be. The trip was already scheduled when it was announced that Pope Benedict XVI would say Mass at Yankee Stadium while Mom and Dad were already planning to be out here. This is a letter Mom wrote to the Davenport Diocese as a thank you for getting them tickets to the event.

It is also the story of how Mom almost missed the event entirely.

The photo is of Mom and Dad at Yankee Stadium. After giving them specific instructions to get pictures of themselves there, this is the only photo they came back with of them together.

I am late on this thank you to the Davenport Diocese. My husband and I were fortunate to get tickets to see the Pope at Yankee Stadium on April 20. It was like it was meant to be. My husband (Steve) was planning a trip to help our son, Steven and his wife do some things to their home. Steve was planning on going for two weeks and I was to fly out for the second week and return together. Steven and his wife live in Schenectady, a city about 100 miles north of New York City. I am always far behind reading the Messenger, so you can imagine my surprise when I read the short article about the Pope in Yankee Stadium, the next day after I arrive, and the possibility of getting tickets. I called Steve to see what he thought. He was on the phone to Father Helms to see if he could e-mail Davenport for us.

Steven got my flight ticket to Albany, leaving from Moline, Ill. My daughter was to drive the 60 or so miles from Iowa City, however, we underestimated the distance to Moline and we were late. After missing the plane, we scrambled with the attendant at the ticket counter to get a flight out. The only options were to drive to Chicago to go stand by to Albany, or take a flight to Atlanta, then one to New York City, to Kennedy Airport. I did not want my daughter to drive to Chicago on the chance of a stand-by, so we decided to go to Atlanta. We called Steve to let him know and we booked a room close.

There was time before the plane took off, so my daughter and the kids decided to eat lunch there in the airport. It was nice to be with her and the kids - time with family, priceless. After they left, I went to where the plane was to come in, however it was late by an hour and a half. When we reached Chicago, the connection to Atlanta was gone. Another nice attendant helped and this time the only alternative was to take the flight on standby to Albany. There were not extra flights going out that were not full already. The attendant stayed with me, reassuring me that I would get on. There was a list of eight people on the board for standby. Soon, she brought me a ticket. We cheered. I had prayed so hard. I knew that God would not let me have tickets in hand and not let me go.

Soon I was landing in Albany. My family was there. Now to trace my luggage that in all the confusion went to Atlanta. We would not get that back until next week. Steven and Laurie went out to get me a change of shirt and underclothes. Steve and I went to bed so we could get up the next morning early and start another journey.

The drive to NYC was uneventful. We stopped to pick up breakfast to eat on the way. We found the stadium and with the placard, supplied to us by the NYC diocese, we were able to park easier. At the entrance we needed to show our picture ID. Now, because I had shown my driver's license so often for the plane, I must have put it back in another spot, because I couldn't find it. After going through my purse at least three times, and Steve going through it once, I prayed some more. All of a sudden, there it was.

It was very cold and my hands really got cold. Now, we had a lot of walking to get to our section of the stadium. There were policemen at every section and a SWAT team on the roof.

While I was sitting there trying to soak everything in and reflecting on the crazy trip I just had, I realize that there must be thousands of stories out there of people who also made a harrowing trip to get here. I had been in Yankee Stadium several years ago. It looked the same, but didn't feel the same. Venders were selling food in the walkway downstairs. Steve asked if I wanted some popcorn. Somehow that didn't seem right selling popcorn at Mass. A lot of us were there all day, so it made sense to have food. As soon as it was getting close to starting the venders closed and the stands filled up.

They gave us a bag of various goodies when we came in, including a gold cotton scarf, rain poncho, and a program for the Mass. Looking at this, I began to feel the enormity of all of this, I noticed that all the advertising had been covered with purple cloths. The playing field was untouched. On the end, where the diamond was, was the huge platform, with a huge TV. The Pope said Mass on the other side of this monitor. My husband was disappointed because we couldn't see him. I just watched and listened to the enormity of it all.

While we were waiting in the bleachers, a priest came around and explained how communion would be distributed. There would be a priest downstairs for each section. We would leave on one side and come back up the other. One priest came over to give communion to two ladies and myself and some others. It still took a long time for each section. I can't imagine how many priests there were.

Once the Mass started and the sun came out, as though God had spoken. The program had several different languages. The Pope himself spoke in several languages.

Connie, 2008

To Begin the Day

Mom worked at the same hospital for nearly 40 years, starting as a secretary and later serving as staffing coordinator. She would always get up early to go to work early. The schedule let her be home when we got home from school.

This story is from one of her writing classes, written in 1992, chronicling her early-morning drive to work. The photo is of Mom at her desk in 2001.

The alarm goes off. It's 4 a.m. I groan a bit and start to move. It is cold, so I move quickly. I put my robe on and go up front. I need a cup of coffee and breakfast. Now, I'm ready to face the world. Ugh!!

I finish dressing hurridly to be out of the house by 6 a.m. It's cold! This sweater and slacks feels good. I'm glad my car is in a garage or there would be ice to scrape. The car starts with no problem.

As I back the car down the drive, I always look at the sky and everything around. If it is a clear day, the stars pierce the blackness. The moon no matter what stage it is in, is always gorgeous. I am partial to the full moon, but the quarter is also neat. Later in the year, the sun will begin to rise. That can be spectacular.

Nature is wonderful if you stop to watch. There is the occasional rabbit crossing the street, the birds in the trees, or the dog barking as you drive by. The occasional deer running across the road can be both gorgeous and frightening, should you hit it.

Before you know it the ten miles are done. Coming into town, the atmosphere changes. The traffic is heavier, the buses are pulling out of the bus barn, delivery trucks are starting off and many others, like myself, hurrying to work. All of this hassle brings me back to reality. I really have to go to work, to face all the day's problems. All day long there is someone with a problem expecting me to have an answer. Another long day of stress.

I believe this relaxing drive in the morning is God's way of preparing me for the full day at work.

Connie, January 1992

What a Class Discussion

My mother regularly taught religion classes at her church. I actually came to find out after her services that it was a friendship she developed teaching religion classes in her South Dakota hometown that played a role in her eventually moving to Iowa.

In this story, she relates a discussion she had in her third grade religion class. The story is undated, but it was found next to a letter she wrote related to her 2008 trip. The photo below is of Mom teaching one of her classes.

The discussion in this story deals with what happens after people die.

Today I was teaching my third grade religion class with my helper. We have ten students. We were talking about the Paschal Mystery. We read each page and explained the different points. We prayed the Apostles Creed. In the lesson was this quote, "If you believe in ME you will never die." This girl was elated. She said, "I'm not going to die." Everyone laughed.

Wait a minute, your body as we know it will die. But our Spirit or soul will never die. Then the questions really started, "How will we look? Will we know each other?" We don't know as none of us has died. We can only use our imagination. We have heard of people dying and they appear to have gone someplace. One girl said "that when my grandma died, it was very peaceful and they were sure they saw an angel."

Yes, I said "when my mother died, all the family was in the room. We prayed the rosary, and it became very still. There were only our prayers and Mom's breathing growing so quiet. It was as if someone else was there with us... I TRULY think it helped us to heal and face the loss."

The kids were still concerned about what they will look like. I told them that since (I wear leg braces and walk with crutches); I hope that I will walk normal, if we walk at all. Again, I don't know.

We started learning the Creed. The discussion got serious again. One little girl said, "Why did Pontius Pilate have to have Jesus crucified?" I said what would the world be like if Jesus had not died. God sent Jesus to live with His people. He came to save us all and to start Christianity. I used to think why did he come down from the cross when the guard teased him. We knew that he can.

One girl said "Why did God say Jesus is on his right when the in the Sign of the Cross Jesus is in front?" I don't know where she got that.

What a class discussion.

Connie, undated.